I'm not Dead

Dear girls. Thank you for all those emails and text messages. I miss you too. I am not dead, and no I am not stuck inside Facebook either. I was away on vacation. I am back.

During my vacation, it was brought to my attention that the waist hip ratio of human women play a very important part in deciding their sexiness amongst human men. Then I also learned that appearing sexy has nothing to do with actually being sexy, and that those ratio numbers mean crap as far as a woman's performance in bed in concerned. I tell you, interested men, the prettiest girl of all might end up lost in a thousand thoughts, counting the blades on your ceiling fan, while you burn those two cans of redbull all by yourself.

The only sexy girl around is the girl who can take control of your bed! Amen to sexy!

A Monster's Poetry

I always wanted to be a great poet. Chicks dig poets. Don't you chicks? I always wanted to be listed next to people like Shakespere and Pushkin and Tagore. But I have serious issues with those bandu vah akuru and fili kolhi and kaafiyaa and stuff. Those things suck. Anyway, some days back I wrote this on Nadhies.

A new day has died
And a new night is here
Moment after moment passes
Minute after minute dies
And my soul awaits the hour
The hour I shall feel your hair
I'm addicted your temple at the east
And also the nights I see you in feast
If all that could make you satisfy
A way to leave you alive
I'd love to have you for a dance
And instead let you rape me for a change :S

Aishwariya You Broke My Heart

This is the second saddest day in my whole lonely life. Aishwariya, this post is for you.

From the day you won the beauty contest I've spent my days looking for you. From the waters of Trivandrum to Cochin harbor, from Goa's beaches to the Bay of Bengal, I've searched in vain for the sight of you, wondering which beach you would choose for your next sun tan, and it all ended up in failure. But u have to understand... I wasnt stalking you or anything... seriously...

*ahem*

All these years I knew I could never convince Vajpai to sacrifice you, because he was also secretly after you... and my plans for an Indian appearance collapsed when your country did a nuclear test (you should've seen what the Hiroshima attack did to Godzilla's family).

And today I just got the worst news in centuries, the news that you got MARRIED!!?? Oh the humanity! What is the world coming to? How am I supposed to handle this? Im even out of my anti-depression pills! Married to Bachan, Jr. What has he got, that i don't? So what if he's richer and better looking and successful and lives above water and is famous and is, in fact, HUMAN? I got.. ... .. . oh.. I see your point there.

What should I do? Should I go look for Sushmita again? You want me to do that?

* sniff sniff :`(( Oh I'm such a cry baby... I need some ice cream.

ps: I saw Sushmita on Sun Island. That night I was just about to surprise her in her bungalow when another guy suddenly came to her door with a glass of water :S

I'm Back!

Hello girls, I am Rannamaari, and welcome to my blog.

It has been a long time since I've been home. I hardly recognize the place anymore. The green is gone, the beach is gone and the darkness of the nights are no more. Unlike the golden days it is now compulsary for women to cover their breasts, so they all wear clothes and OMG some of them wear whole tents. The country's monarchy has been renamed to what they call a republic, but just like a monarchy the ruler never leaves power.

On the brighter side, the word is that the women are really hot and there are plenty of them. They shave their armpits and genitalia, wax and polish their legs, color their hair and have a thick layer of fruity lotion rounded all over their bodies. Mmmmmmmm. But it is also known that nobody is a virgin any more, I'm going to have a hard time finding a way around that problem :(( * sniff

But I am still soooooo excited because Maldivians finally adopted Buddism again. I swear I almost cried when I saw that statue on that island. I was like "Jesus Christ!! Did I just drift into Thailand???" Man, it was like being born again. No more loneliness, no more hunger, no more wandering around the coast of India wondering where Aishwariya is. I am so excited!